LUCY (urgently): Mommy, there’s a nipple in my mouth!
ME: Wait, what?
LUCY: There’s. A. Nipple. In. My. Mouth.
ME: A nipple? Do you mean “pimple”?
LUCY: No. A nipple!
ME: Really? A nipple in your mouth? I’m pretty sure there’s not.
LUCY: Mommy, there is! (Opens her mouth wide.) See!
ME (trying my damndest not to laugh): Okay, kiddo. Let me check this out. I see your tongue, your teeth, and your gums…but no nipple.
LUCY: But, it’s bothering me.
ME: The nipple in your mouth?
LUCY (clearly exasperated by my inability to grasp this problem): YES!
ME: Are you sure you know what a nipple is?
LUCY: Yes! (Points to my chest.) It’s THOSE. Can I see them?
ME: No. Let’s focus on YOUR issue right now. So, do you have nipples too?
Me: Where are they?
LUCY (pointing to her own chest): Here and here. And in my MOUTH.
ME: Okay then. Do you remember how Mommy fed Baby Will with her boobies?
LUCY: Yep, he drank booby milk.
ME: Right. Now, THAT’s what it looked like to have a nipple in your mouth. Is that what's going on here?
LUCY (in deep thought): Hmmm...no. Maybe it’s corn in my mouth.
ME: The corn we had for dinner? (She nods in assent.) That’s much more likely.
LUCY: Whew, I was really worried.