Friday, July 26, 2013

Which Came First, the Nipple or the Corn?

Lucy comes running up to me after dinner, in visible distress.

LUCY (urgently): Mommy, there’s a nipple in my mouth!

ME: Wait, what?

LUCY: There’s. A. Nipple. In. My. Mouth.

ME: A nipple? Do you mean “pimple”?

LUCY: No. A nipple!

ME: Really? A nipple in your mouth? I’m pretty sure there’s not.

LUCY: Mommy, there is! (Opens her mouth wide.) See!

ME (trying my damndest not to laugh): Okay, kiddo. Let me check this out. I see your tongue, your teeth, and your gums…but no nipple.

LUCY: But, it’s bothering me.

ME: The nipple in your mouth?

LUCY (clearly exasperated by my inability to grasp this problem): YES!

ME: Are you sure you know what a nipple is?

LUCY: Yes! (Points to my chest.) It’s THOSE. Can I see them?

ME: No. Let’s focus on YOUR issue right now. So, do you have nipples too?

LUCY: Uh-huh.

Me: Where are they?

LUCY (pointing to her own chest): Here and here. And in my MOUTH.

ME: Okay then. Do you remember how Mommy fed Baby Will with her boobies?

LUCY: Yep, he drank booby milk.

ME: Right. Now, THAT’s what it looked like to have a nipple in your mouth. Is that what's going on here?

LUCY (in deep thought): Maybe it’s corn in my mouth.

ME: The corn we had for dinner? (She nods in assent.) That’s much more likely.

LUCY: Whew, I was really worried.

ME: Corn will get you every time. Now let’s go brush your teeth…



  1. There is so much to learn when you are 3!

  2. I really shouldn't read this stuff while drinking things that may wind up on my computer...