Thursday, September 26, 2013

Bathroom Queen

Lucy needs to use the potty. At her request, I have accompanied her into the bathroom.

ME (standing in the doorway of the bathroom, as Lucy ascends her “throne”): Show me how you put your pee-pees in the potty!

LUCY: Mommy, I am a big girl. I can do it myself.

ME: I know you can. Do you want me to leave?

LUCY: No, but you can’t stand there.

ME: Where would you like me to stand?

LUCY: No standing. You can sit on the bath tub.

ME (sitting on the edge of the tub): Okay, now go ahead and potty.

LUCY: Mommy, don’t look at me.

ME: Where am I supposed to look?

LUCY: At the light switch.

ME (turning my head and starting to laugh…just a little): Okay, I’m looking at the light switch.

LUCY: And don’t laugh!

ME (stifling the laugh): Sorry, Princess.

LUCY: I’m not a princess! I’m Lucy! And don’t smile!

ME (trying my damndest to be serious): Sorry, Lucy. I’ll just concentrate on this light switch. Are you done yet?

LUCY: No! Mommy, don’t turn your head. STOP SMILING!

ME: Okay, okay!

LUCY: Don’t look at me.

ME: I’m not.

LUCY: Close your ears. Don’t listen to my pee-pees.

ME: Are you sure that you wouldn’t like me to leave the bathroom so you can have privacy?

LUCY: NO, MOMMY! DON’T LEAVE!

ME: Okay, so you want me to sit here, look at the light switch, not laugh, not smile, and not listen.

LUCY: Yes. And don’t move either.

ME: I won’t move either. Am I allowed to still talk to you?

LUCY: No.

ME:  Okay.

LUCY: MOMMY! NO TALKING!

(She finally pees.)

LUCY: Mommy, I did it!

ME: Am I allowed to interact with you again, Your Royal Highness?

LUCY: Mommy, you can help me wipe!

ME: Of course. What else is a servant for?

1 comment:

  1. This is so Lucy, but she makes me wait outside the door "in line"! You obviously rank higher in the potty chain!

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