Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Oldest Profession

Lucy keeps talking about hookers. Okay, it’s not what you think. It’s what happens when an innocent little kid gets obsessed with pirates, and she doesn’t have the words to express her swashbuckling thoughts.

It all started on Saturday afternoon, just after she finished watching a Tinkerbelle movie:

LUCY (dancing around the room): I’m Tinkerbelle! I’m a fairy! You can’t turn me into a mean, old hooker, Captain Hook!

ME (choking down the comment that, while Captain Hook assuredly is a bad guy, I wasn’t aware that he was a pimp too): Glad to hear it.
Her hooker obsession continued into the next day. At lunchtime on Sunday, we had the following conversation:

LUCY (holding a half-eaten pretzel): GRRRRRR!

ME: What's going on with you?

LUCY: I'm an angry hooker! I will get you with my pretzel hook.

ME (swallowing the joke I wanted to make about what it really means to be an angry hooker with a mouthful of my sandwich): Just eat your lunch.

But she wasn't yet done with her hooking. On Monday, her preschool teacher gave her a candy cane as a reward for being good. Here’s what Lucy said as we walked down the hall of her church-run school:

LUCY (waving the candy cane around wildly): Look, Mommy! I’m hooking all over the place.

ME: Just put down the candy cane, and walk nicely.

LUCY: But, Mommy, I’m a crazy hooker! This is my candy hook!

ME (trying not to laugh as I hustled her out the door): Clearly. And, you can hook all you want at home, Lucy. That's the place for your tricks. But not here. Never here, okay?
LUCY: Okay, Mommy. But maybe I can hook in the car?

I simply shook my head "no," knowing if I spoke that I'd make an inappropriate comment about hookers in cars. Divine Butler, anyone?

Anyway, that brings us to today. We had a surprisingly hooker-free morning, and she’s now at her grandmother’s house. I’m hoping she forgets about Captain Pimp, puts down the candy cane or pretzel (at least when she's in public), and gets obsessed with something new. As long as it’s not Calliou – I imagine that even hookers can’t stand that little whiner.

1 comment:

  1. No "hooking" going on at our house - although we did "hook" 2 little ducks into our pond with some bread! They are a mallard pair and we are anxiously awaiting "little ducklins".
    Lucy thinks they are coming soon - like today!