Friday, January 10, 2014

Top 10 Rules I Never Thought I’d Have to Make

The following list may not be found in any reputable parenting book, but, trust me, it's very, very real. Just ask Lucy.
  1. Don’t put boogers in your hair.
  2. Don’t smother your brother in a blanket – that’s not how we show love.
  3. Don't lick your brother's head.
  4. Don’t lick your hands and touch others.
  5. Don’t lick the kitchen floor or drag your face along it – seriously, you’re not a dog.
  6. Don’t lick the dog.
  7. Don’t put your hands in the toilet – you don’t need to wave “bye-bye” to your pee.
  8. Don’t take anything out of the toilet – your poo doesn’t need to be “rescued.”
  9. Don’t hide dirty socks under your pillow – they’re not teeth, and the Tooth Fairy isn’t coming for them.
  10. Don’t sniff anyone’s butts – and no, it’s not funny.
Bonus rule - Don't tweak your father's nipples or try to pull his privates like a leash - one day, you will need to borrow his car keys, and I fear he'll remember these indignities.

1 comment:

  1. I can see all this really happening! I was the first one to see something in her hair - I almost fainted when you told me what it was and I had TOUCHED it! In my 31 years of teaching, I have seen MANY boogers in many places, but I can't remember one in a kid's hair!! Very novel and a nice touch, LU - NOT!