ME: Well, because you have a vagina.
LUCY: And why is Will a boy?
ME: Because he has a penis.
LUCY: You mean “peanut.”
ME: I mean “penis.”
LUCY: But you really mean “peanut.”
ME: Fine. It’s a peanut.
LUCY: And you have a vagina, so you’re a girl, right?
LUCY: And Daddy has a peanut, so he’s a boy.
LUCY: Does Daddy really have a peanut?
ME: Ummm…what’s bigger than a peanut?
LUCY: A vagina.
ME: Well, Daddy doesn’t have one of those.
LUCY: But, do princesses have vaginas?
LUCY: If I give Daddy this crown, that will make him a princess. Like me.
ME: No, maybe he’d be a prince.
LUCY: Because he has a peanut?
LUCY: So all princes have peanuts?
ME: Generally speaking, yes.
LUCY: Elephants like peanuts, you know. But those are eating peanuts. They are different.
ME: You’re right. That’s a different kind of peanut entirely.
LUCY: I like peanuts too.
ME: You do?
LUCY: The M&M kind.
ME: And that’s the only kind you will like for a really long time, I hope.
LUCY: Me too.