Friday, March 21, 2014

Top Ten Ways Motherhood Has Changed Me

10.     Showers are optional.

9.        The crusts of PB&J sandwiches with leftover applesauce are an acceptable lunch.

8.      Going to Target sans kids feels like a vacation, not a chore.

7.      Catching puke in my bare hands isn’t necessarily enough to gross me out.

6.      I can sing the Bubble Guppies’ entire repertoire. Don't even get me started on "Frozen."

5.      When I sneeze, I pee. Every damn time.

4.      Wearing anything other than jeans or sweatpants is dressing up.

3.      I answer to "Mommy" faster than I do to my ACTUAL NAME.

2.      If your ass is dirty or your nose is runny, I will wipe it without flinching. And, I won't ask first.

1.      FUPA and stretch marks. Enough said.

2 comments:

  1. #7... my son vomited on me repeatedly as a little kid. It got to where I didn't even blink when he did it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. FUPA is a new one for me, too - but, I think I know where I can find mine!

    ReplyDelete